Exploring Thoughts with Non-Human Companions

Sometimes there are so many things in our head. As for me, I would say 80% of them are curious about an endless possibility. I know I would not act on it immediately, they are just thoughts, and we keep thinking so that we do not forget.

The reality is, that these thoughts are taking our time more than we can afford to spend. We become unproductive and lost in our thoughts. You know that your mind sometimes can be a very dangerous place to sit in for too long.

One simple handling method for this is a BRAIN DUMP note or journal. Be it physical or digital, anything should work. So there, you will feel safer, feel more secure that you have your ideas written down. You do not have to overthink, and when the time is convenient you can revisit, and organize your ideas to work on it.

Yes.

That is what I usually do since I learned it from the Productive Muslim course I attended like 15 years ago. Well, nowadays these ideas have become unstoppable, but thank goodness we are in the artificial intelligence (AI) era. I treat AI chatbots as my brain-dumping journal. And it is fun to have non-human entities try to solve our problem and answer all our dumb (and also challenging) questions.

Like last night I was thinking, how do people nowadays make money online? make passive income? Maybe I too could try. So, I brain-dumped whatever that comes to mind, and I get suggestions. It helps me brainstorm ideas and put them into a plan structurally. It is always like that, like having a brainstorming partner that is available anytime (of course when you have devices with an internet connection). 

Three popular AI chatbots that I regularly use: Gemini, chatGPT, DeepSeek

As much as we appreciate this advancement of technology that we can utilize, some may undeniably feel worried, and afraid that AI technology will limit human employment opportunities. And these concerns are not unfounded. But hasn't history taught us that technological advancements create new kinds of job opportunities? While AI can automate tasks, it is the uniquely human skills – creativity, critical thinking, complex problem-solving, and empathy – that will remain essential. Ultimately, it is our ingenuity that will shape how AI will impact our lives and our work. We shouldn't be afraid of what's coming, but instead, get prepared. If we keep learning, stay creative, and focus on what humans do best, we'll be successful with AI. And speaking of human strengths, I've noticed something I'm less comfortable with: the tendency to rely too heavily on AI, especially in writing. Yes, AI can be a helpful tool, but I recommend using chatbots as just that – a tool, not a replacement for your own thinking. Your voice and your ideas are important. Keep your writing real and human

That is all from me. (with some help from my non-human companions) 😊

2025, and it's February

I have just finished binge-watching Not Dead Yet on Hotstar, a TV sitcom about a writer in a press firm. This show reignited my own writing goals. I still have so much writing to do. Thesis writing, article writing and whatnot. Oh my, overloaded.

It's hard to believe it's already February 2025. Time has flown by so quickly. Looking back, I did not write anything here last year. I confess I was incredibly nervous about 2024, I had this looming fear that the year would crush me, especially when it came to my PhD progress. 

Ironically, it wasn't my studies that challenged me in 2024; it was the workplace. Disappointing colleagues, feelings of confusion, and betrayal—all of these emotions (and the workload)—exhausted me and made me feel too weak to continue until the end of the session.

Thankfully over time, I've managed to regain my footing and started to realize that there must be a reason for all of this hikmah, as Allah has permitted what happened to happen. I tried to see the positive side of these experiences and try to learn from it.

Now, after all these events, one of its hikmah is it makes it easier to decide to take a long break from work (read: I am planning to take unpaid leaves) and focus on finishing my PhD. I don't know if this is a clever decision, but I had to take the risk. I've already exceeded my maximum candidature and I really want to finish what I have started. May Allah guide me.

I think that is all for now.

post-script note: I take this as one exercise of writing, with help from some AI+Grammaly to improve my writing. I hope I can learn fast, and apply it to my research writing. Pray for me, peeps!

First Degree

Master Degree

to be continued...

Hujung-hujung.

Sabtu, 30 Disember 2023.

Hujung minggu yang bakal mengakhiri 2023.

2023 tahun yang agak serabut bagi aku. terkejar-kejar tak tahu nak pergi mana, dan sampai ke mana pun tak tahu. Layan je lah.

Untuk 2024 yang bakal datang kurang 30 jam lagi. please be good...

Lima: Jumaat Melayang

Fikiran melayang. terbang dah jauh. bila nak balik ? 

kerja belum siap. boss sudah kejar

kita lari, terbang lagi, melayang.

Seni Gerak Silat Cekak Hanafi: Permulaan.

Tahun ini genap sudah 10 tahun aku menjadi ahli Silat Cekak Ustaz Hanafi di Universiti Malaya. Ramai yang tak percaya aku masih agak aktif dengan kelas silat. Aku pula tak ada sebab nak tinggal kan kelas silat ni. Selagi ada masa, tenaga, dan semangat, aku cuba sumbangkan apa yang mampu. Tak dinafikan memasuki tempoh pandemik, kelas seni bela diri agak sukar dan mencabar untuk dilaksanakan. Tak pernah terfikir suatu hari nanti kelas silat dijalankan secara maya, dan kita hanya mengajar dan belajar melalui skrin. Namun, ini lah pilihan yang kita ada dalam mematuhi SOP norma baru.

Januari 2011 adalah permulaan aku terjebak dengan kelas Silat Cekak Hanafi hasil ajakan Ragib (LDMRC), bersama-sama yang turut serta adalah Shahino (LDMRC) dan Rahim (Engine). Penyertaan tahun tu cuma 3 orang, dua lelaki dan seorang wanita (aku la tu), jadi kebanyakan masa aku hanya bersilat secara bayang kerana tiada pasangan silat. Tenaga pengajar kelas UM masa tu aku ingat lagi ada Ragib, Abang Yus (Yusdisyam), dan Abang Azmi, Abang Azwan pula penyelia kelas.

Silat cekak ni terkenal dengan silat yang cepat; selain gerakan yang pantas, silibus nya juga boleh dihabiskan dengan cepat di mana dalam masa 7 bulan sahaja boleh tamat. Pembelajaran silat terbahagi dua, gerak fizikal dan pengisian spiritual (tauhid/agama). Mengikut pengalaman aku, part pengisian ni sikit-sikit je diajar dalam kelas sebab kebanyakan penuntut sekarang memang dah biasa dengan ajaran dan amalan Islam berbanding dengan mula-mula silat ini diwujudkan sekitar tahun 1965. Antara tujuan silat ini juga untuk menghapuskan amalan-amalan khurafat dan tahyul dalam seni bela diri silat Melayu/Nusantara.

Pengalaman aku belajar silat ni, sebenar nya tak mudah juga bila mengambil kira aku ni jenis susah nak laraskan pergerakan, ditambah pula tiada pasangan wanita; pergerakan terbatas, lambat nampak seni dalam setiap gerakan, jadi ada masa-masa nya memang jatuh semangat; rasa nak nangis, rasa nak mogok tak mau hadir kelas. Membandingkan pula diri ini dengan Shahino yang sangat pick-up dengan gerakan seni bela diri, aku ni hanya ikan di laut dalam. So, macam tu lah semangat mula-mula memang naik turun. Tapi syukur, aku bertahan dan habiskan silibus silat. Motivasi aku masa tu sebab tak ada jurulatih wanita yang tetap di kelas UM. Biarlah aku habiskan, mana tau nanti ada ramai penuntut wanita ikut serta, bolehla aku tolong-tolong kelas. 

Dua-tiga keping gambar kenangan menyertai Kejohanan Wajadiri Nasional:

Wajadiri 2012 (UPM)

Wajadiri 2012 (UPM)

Wajadiri 2014 (UMT)

A: missing friend

Kudoakan hanya kebaikan buat kamu

Biarpun kamu memilih untuk hilang, dan hapuskan jejak-jejak.

Moga kita jumpa lagi.

Random Selasa: Atok

My atok-atok.

Maternal was Yunus, and paternal was named Baharin. Although tok Baharin was here longer for me (d. 1999) than tok Yunus (d. 1997), I could not recall any memory with tok Baharin, I feel like I don't know tok Baharin much. I feel guilty a bit cause I'm his first grandchild. While Tok Yunus, I lived near him in my early years, remember him as a fit, strong and hardworking old man. Sometime I miss him.

May Allah have mercy on our loved ones that have passed, and reunite us with them in Jannah.

Amin.

2020-1

Hello, dah September lah 2021.

Moga kamu baik-baik saja!

kbai.

Perantauan musim luruh: Ghibli Museum

Hi, lama tak jumpa. Semua ok ke tu?

Mana nak jangka kan geng, tahun 2020 begini jadi nya. Bulan demi bulan hilang dalam letusan wabak pandemik Covid-19. Dalam kita sama-sama menormalisasi kan diri dengan norma baru ni, mesti rindu juga kan nak kembara atau travel ke luar?

Sama-sama kita doa dan usaha lah semana boleh, moga wabak ni berlalu jua. Jadi, nak mengubat kerinduan berjalan kemana-mana ni, kita nak buat imbauan dalam bentuk catatan sikit lah. Japan Koyo Trip 2019. Ye aku tau, lama betul tak menulis di sini..biarlah sekadar catatan, mana tau tua nanti lupa apa, boleh baca balik. hehe. 

Baiklah, bermula sejak sekolah menengah, aku dan sahabat aku Odie Mardhiah memanglah peminat setia animasi-animasi terbitan Studio Ghibli (contoh terkenal: Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle ). Sekian lama kami memasang cita-cita untuk ke Muzium Ghibli di Mitaka Tokyo, akhirnya kami putuskan 2019 adalah tahun untuk kami tunaikan mimpi zaman persekolahan. Terujanya! Tambahan pula Odie belum lagi menjejak kaki ke Jepun, jadi kami merancang untuk berpergian di musim luruh selama 10 hari, berkelana dari Tokyo ke Osaka mencari Sophie, Totoro dan daun merah kuning.

Ayuh, mari!

Perjalanan dimulai Rabu 20 November 2019, jam 2 petang macam tu. Penerbangan ke Haneda mengambil masa dalam 7 jam lebih. Memandangkan waktu ketibaan dah lewat, kami hanya bermalam di Haneda Airport. Susah juga nak lelap sebenar nya, tapi layan jela, asalkan boleh rest sikit sebelum hari esoknya nak pergi Muzium Ghibli. Terujanya!

Ready? 10 hari punya pack.

Odie Mardhiah dan saya taking off

safely landed, dan cari port nak lelap.

Sekarang ni di Jepun, dah banyak kemudahan untuk Muslim. Ada surau di sana sini, alhamdulillah memudahkan kami nak solat dengan selesa. Lepas subuh, kami pun bersiap-siap lah teruskan perjalan, beli tiket dan pass apa yang patut. Kami menuju ke Kichijoji St. yang mengambil masa dalam sejam perjalanan dari Haneda Airport. Selepas melompat2 train dan bertembung peak hour karyawan kantor pergi kerja, akhirnya kami pun sampai di Kichijoji. Nice juga kichijoji ni, kita pi cari kedai kopi dulu sarap. 

Muka excited bercampur cuak nak menempuh train.

Kichijoji Station.

Tiket masuk Muzium Ghibli kami beli daripada Klook beberapa bulan sebelum ke sini, mahal sikit la tapi kami taknak gamble, biasanya dah sold-out sebulan dua sebelum tarikh nak lawat. Tiket from klook ni ada provide tour guide; dari Kichijoji ni pergi ke Inokashira Park, then baru masuk Muzium Ghibli.

Berjalan ke Inokashira Park.

tasik dalam taman Inokashira

Odie dan gopro nya. Apa je di-rekod tu?

Mestilah teruja, excited dan sebagainya

Menung luhhh.

Dalam Muzium Ghibli, kita tak dibenarkan merakam video atau mengambil gambar. Jadi hanya merakam dalam memori kepala dan hati je. Boleh rujuk map di bawah ni untuk mendapat gambaran sedikit sebanyak macam mana, binaan muzium. Kami mulakan tour muzium kami dengan menonton tayangan harian di Saturn Theater. Lupa dah tajuk nya apa, tapi semua in Japanese and no subs, but you still can enjoy the animation I guarantee you. I remember ada pakcik Porco Rosso dalam wayang tu. 

Muzium Ghibli punya konsep yang tersendiri, boleh baca idea yang Hayao Miyazaki harapkan di sini. 

(Gambar dari internet)

Image from https://www.nippon.com/en/views/b05404/

(Gambar dari internet)

Pun begitu, jika kita berada di luar bangunan, bolehlah merakam gambar atau video sebagai kenang-kenangan. Contoh nya Robot Laputa yang dibina dalam kawasan taman atas bumbung.

Robot Laputa dan kami.

Yang ni, tak ingat lah dalam cerita apa. Terrace ni macam kedai topi Sophie dalam Howl's Moving Castle.

Ada cafe.

Ok habis. Masa untuk cari tempat tidur kita, perjalanan jauh lagi ke Kumagaya.

Sesiapa yang biasa dengan aku tau, tak mudah untuk aku teruja. Ternyata melihat lakaran dan lukisan proses penghasilan karya-karya studio Ghibli ni buat kan aku betul-betul teruja, rasa nak menangis di situ juga. Syukur sangat diizinkan Allah diberi rezeki dapat jejak ke sini. Kalau ada peluang memang nak datang lagi. Baik, kita berhenti di sini dulu, nanti ada semangat aku tulis lagi hehe.

Short rant of an old research student

Being an old research student is never easy.

Penniless and old.

When you think you do not have the energy to deal with another issue with your research, they keep on coming. The cycle goes on, you had to take so much of your time to muster all the motivation in the world to go through. You wanted to give up really bad, but you do not know what else to do. So you stay. Is this like a toxic relationship? Me and my research. 

Keep praying. May this journey bring goodness.

Perkara tak penting

I finally had registered for PhD last September.
Tak buat LED, maybe HEMT. I don't know on silicon for sure.

It has been about 7 to 8 months officially working in the new lab (although I'm still with LDMRC, the workstation is new). Trying to cope with the new supervisor, lab members and their political landscape (cewah!).

Sis cuba.
Doakan

Brainstorming

Izinkan saya...

Theme:

Optimizing the growth of InGaN-based green LED by MOCVD

Problems:

1. How to grow green LED?
2. What materials to be used?
3. What is LED?
4. Why do we make green LED?
5. When LED is optimized?
6. What parameters should we control? to optimize the LED?
7. How is the flow of the work?
8. Why MOCVD
9. How MOCVD works?
10. Where?
11. Who will be benefited by this research of green LED?
12. How to improve green LED efficiency?

Structure:

Intro

Content

Conclusion

Summary

p.s. hmm I just wish I could write a decent proposal in a desperately short time

Musim yang berlalu

Adakah dikau punya mimpi?

Dalam diri aku yang lebih muda, sering aku yakin bahawa aku tiada mimpi.
Ketiadaan mimpi mimpi membuatkan aku sering hilang dalam kehidupan.
Tiada arah, tidak tahu makna yang perlu dicari.

Sesat.
Termenung.

Tahun dan musim berlalu, aku hanya mengikut arus perlahan.
Sekali lagi aku temukan kehidupan yang kaku.

Kaku.
Termenung.

Aku fikir, mungkin aku bukanlah tiada mimpi.
Aku hanya malas.

Mengusahakan mimpi jadi kenyataan adalah satu usaha keras.
Jatuh, gagal, dan rasa kecewa dalam mengerjakan mimpi adalah lumrah.
Dan aku fikir, tak punya tenaga untuk semua itu.
Aku terlalu malas.

p.s. Maaflah, lagu ni takde kaitan. Maafkan aku.